Up? Ask me next year...

I've been watching movies over the holidays. First Julie and Julia. I cried right along with Julia when she learned her sister was pregnant. I felt her pain, having been there myself multiple times.

Then deciding I needed a little cheer I watched "Up" the following night. Imagine my surprise when they couldn't have children either, and actually showed her crying at the OBGYN's office. Another "tearer" for me. Cute move, but I did not feel completely "Up" after watching it.

I almost wonder if society is giving me some hints... that I should just give up my quest for a child, accept the fact for whatever reason it's not meant to be for me, and move on. Julia was fine without children, and had an amazing career. Ellie from "Up" made the most of her life even if it didn't match what she had planned, and she died happy. So why can't I match reality or even cartoons? Why is it that I want a baby of my own so much it hurts? Why do I feel as if I'm missing out on motherhood, that I've been cheated out a part of life almost everyone else takes for granted.

A freeze a couple of weeks ago exploded my pretty pomegranates. The photo above shows mother nature's handiwork. Sometimes this is how I feel... I create tons of eggs, but for some reason am broken. I'm glad 2009 is coming to an end. I need to move on from the sadness that it brought, and turn my focus on creating happier times in 2010.

Velvet Goodness

One of the gifts I received this year @ work was this delightful little Bundt cake! Red velvet is one of my favorites. (I never had it as a kid, but as an adult, I love the vibrant color and the moist buttermilk cake!)

The packaging it arrived in was delightful! I loved the mini-clothespin that held the gift card. I looked online and discovered the company is a chain. (Albeit a small one.) Everything was very well done.

The size of the mini-bundt cake was just perfect, and it smelled wonderful. Imagine my surprise to find chocolate chips in it when I cut into it... There weren't a lot, and they complimented the cake quite well.

We had a low key holiday yesterday and today, but it has been nice to unwind... Hopefully I will have some energy to do projects around the house at some point. But today, it was all about relaxing... (and of course trying out this yummy bundt cake)

Christmas Schishmas

This flower arrangement is about as festive as we got this year... We ended up not getting a tree, not decorating the front of the house, and not hanging up stockings. (The cats did get some goodies though...)

Tim's sleeping in, and I'm drinking eggnog lattes and catching up on my blog reading. My siblings are all at home with their children. Like us, my Mom and Dad are spending Christmas alone this year.

It's not really how I pictured my Christmas' would be spent as an adult. For some reason I always envisioned making cookies for Santa with my children. (Making sure to put out carrots for the reindeer too.) I always envisioned our family heading to the Midwest to spend time with the grandparents, enjoy the snow, and visit with cousins...

All is not lost though, it's nice to have the option to sleep in. Our cats are quite happy with their gifts, and aren't having a melt down on the floor because they didn't get a zhu zhu pet (although I'm sure they would have loved one). We are making a roast for dinner, playing video games all day, and drinking Bing and vodka martinis until we're giddy. (or at least those are my plans, Tim may have other ideas once he wakes up.) I'm glad 2009 is coming to a close... but until it does, I'm off to make a martini.

Grand babies

My dad is a huge Iowa fan. He even help renovate the football stadium in 2006. He keeps saying he's going to come visit us when Iowa is in the Rose Bowl. But so far that hasn't happened...

This year they're headed to the Orange B0wl. Dad decided to send out photos of his "grand children" all dressed up in Hawkeye gear on a holiday card. Christmas was the due date, but Mom wasn't in the know and sent out Christmas cards. So now it's going to be a New Year's card.

I am in charge of compiling the photos and ordering said cards since I'm the only one that seems to use the computer often. The cards are almost ready to go, but I can't seem to push the order button. It just seems wrong to have our cats on the card with real "grandbabies".

My dad is the one who said to make sure to add the cats too. (This is a guy who isn't a big cat fan.) I love our cats dearly, and they seem to love us enough to tolerate their outfits. (Which were really made for dogs.) :-) But... when sent out on a card with real children, it just seems pathetic. It looks like the eldest member of the family is a crazy barren cat person.

Granted our lack of children is not for the lack of trying, but when placed in a row with my parent's 3 sets of real grand kids, it's painfully apparent one of the photos doesn't belong.

Perhaps someone needs to wake up and smell the roses... or maybe she just needs stop whining and be happy to have roses to smell, and cats who love her unconditionally...costumes and all.

Creating Smiles

We hosted our "Dr0p In and Dec0rate" party this weekend. It was a lot of fun, and the end results were so cute!!!

I learned a few things for next year, and will need to work on the frosting consistency technique, but all in all, they are just adorable! We made and decorated 85 Sugar Cookies, and 81 Gingerbread cookies. The little ginger deer were so cute!

We had our neighbors over as well as E & W and their boys. The kids did great!!! They were very creative and even inspired the adults. The cookies are being packaged and sent to a local child abuse prevention center. In fact our neighbors even brought some cases of Mocha Powder to donate to the cause. :-)

What a wonderful holiday tradition. I hope the kids enjoy the cookies as much as we enjoyed making them! :-) I can't wait to see pictures of the event! Happy Holidays!

Christmas Content and Cookies

I bought these gorgeous flowers to brighten up our home, and loved how they looked against my Cherry Martini! My Christmas cards are almost done. I always include a letter with photos, and this year we told everyone of our failed IVF cycles. So although they didn't know at the time we were going through fertility treatments, they will now. (If I can ever find time to buy more ink for labels and stamps.)

Last night Tim let it slip that he doesn't think we'll get pregnant without a surrogate, since there wasn't even a nibble this last time. (yet again) Perhaps he's right, since if we do go through another cycle, the protocol will be the same. Granted we'll add another intralipid infusion, and we'll do PGD (Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis) on any embryos harvested, but in all reality the Dr wasn't sure why things didn't work and there are no guarantees these two extra steps will change our results.

Plus, Tim is worried about being 60 when the child is 15, and that was if they were born this year... It is daunting, but I'd like to think the kids would make us live longer. But for now it's a non-issue, as I want to loose weight before my next cycle, and at the moment have lost 2 pounds at best. (Red martini's and Thanksgiving feasts probably don't help this goal...)

This weekend will find me baking 10 dozen cookies for a Drop In and Decorate party. Hopefully it will help me keep my mind off of things. Thankfully these cookies will be donated! :-) I get the joy of baking without the calories.