Up? Ask me next year...

I've been watching movies over the holidays. First Julie and Julia. I cried right along with Julia when she learned her sister was pregnant. I felt her pain, having been there myself multiple times.

Then deciding I needed a little cheer I watched "Up" the following night. Imagine my surprise when they couldn't have children either, and actually showed her crying at the OBGYN's office. Another "tearer" for me. Cute move, but I did not feel completely "Up" after watching it.

I almost wonder if society is giving me some hints... that I should just give up my quest for a child, accept the fact for whatever reason it's not meant to be for me, and move on. Julia was fine without children, and had an amazing career. Ellie from "Up" made the most of her life even if it didn't match what she had planned, and she died happy. So why can't I match reality or even cartoons? Why is it that I want a baby of my own so much it hurts? Why do I feel as if I'm missing out on motherhood, that I've been cheated out a part of life almost everyone else takes for granted.

A freeze a couple of weeks ago exploded my pretty pomegranates. The photo above shows mother nature's handiwork. Sometimes this is how I feel... I create tons of eggs, but for some reason am broken. I'm glad 2009 is coming to an end. I need to move on from the sadness that it brought, and turn my focus on creating happier times in 2010.