I Hate Mondays!

I have such a hard time getting up on Mondays! There is usually tons of work on my desk, I have numerous phone messages, and often a fire or two to put out! (Today was no exception.)

It appears that this isn't limited to mere mortals. Recently, after a wild weekend of young raccoons and baby possums meandering through our back yard, our "adopted" cat was finally able to sleep. When I got up to go to work, this photo is what was outside our back door.

And I thought Garfield only slept on his face!

Fertility Fund

Well, after the general consult (Where I learned about all of the additional drugs and tests that are needed for an IVF cycle.) and the financial consult, (Where I learned all about how much these drugs and tests will cost.) I am now ready to start marking dates on our calendar for the next step. I originally wanted to start in August, but it looks like I missed my window for pre-treatment, so the date has been pushed out until September. Which is ok, as it will give us time to put more $ towards the fertility fund. Just as long as I start before I turn 37, when the pricing will go up a few thousand dollars! (Or should I say the refund will go down.)

The Dark Side...

This week has been spent recovering and preparing for next month. I received my fertility binder and have gone over all of the steps needed for IVF at least twice. So far I've checked off most of them. I just need to get my uterus mapped on Monday, go through financial planning and clinical coordination on Tuesday, and then I'm "ready" for the next stage. (If anyone can be ready to inject themselves with a bunch of mood altering medications in order to produce multiple eggs. Which if done successfully the patient is then "ready" to be put under and have a needle navigated through their interior to suck their egg laden follicles dry.)

I guess that's the dark side of IVF, the one that women in their 30's and 40's don't talk about much. The press usually focuses on the fact that they have a baby, not what they have to go through to make it happen.

Weekend

This weekend was spent catching up with some of Tim's friends on Saturday. It was nice to visit with them, and see their kids --who were about 4 and 9 the last time we saw them seven years ago. It was almost 100 degrees where we were, and I was cursing the "know all" Mercedes on the way home because it's notorious for "deciding" if the 64 degrees I select should be warm or cold and usually completely opposite of what I want. I was getting really upset, as even with the air conditioning blasting I was almost dying from the heat! Until I suddenly noticed my back wasn't quite as hot... I looked at the dashboard to see that my lovely husband had turned my heated seats on High and they had just cycled down to a cooler setting! I could have killed him. It cooled right down once I wasn't frying my backside. I so-o-o owe him one.

On Sunday, we learned that one of our friends was just diagnosed with incurable Stage IV Lung cancer just 2 days after his 30th birthday, and it has metastasized to his brain and liver. Ironically he's never smoked, has lead a healthy life, and is a network administrator, so doesn't have the most hazardous work environment either. Our friend is going to fight it, and he has a good support group of friends and family to help him as well, but it has really thrown us. You just don't expect things like this to happen especially at such a young age.

On the road again...

Well, the consult went ok. I really wish I could just get pregnant without medical assistance. Unfortunately, that hasn't happened. Instead once a month I drag out a heating pad, or a laptop to help alleviate the pain and try not to dwell on the fact that I am yet another month closer to menopause.

Now it's back for a whole new round of tests. According to my consult the IVF process will take about 2 months, the first will be a bunch of preliminary tests. (Since I'm such the 'prolonger', they want to check my FSH levels again, map out my uterus, and of course all of the blood work needed before an IVF cycle.) The second month I'll start taking the medications (shots) again, and adding a few more to the mix. I voiced my concerns about going under with IVF and was told it was more like a heavy sedation. I guess I'll find out soon enough. It still isn't something I look forward to.

I've been reading a lot of infertility blogs lately. (I'm awful about reading and not commenting.) Many have had success rates, which are encouraging, but after so many years of trying, the thought of my having a child is almost becoming unfathomable. It's the ones that don't have kids that I'm drawn to. Probably because I'm in the same boat. Part of me worries what if we completely change when we have a baby. While the other part thinks we'd make wonderful parents and can't imagine life without children in it. I just need to be ok with either outcome.

Black sheep...

My hair stylist pointed out last weekend that I'm the "black sheep" of the family. (Because I'm normal.) The more I thought about it this week, the more I realized he's right. Now don't get me wrong, I love my family, and don't wish them ill. But every time I talk to my them I end up hanging up depressed or upset after hearing about the 'drama' that happens to one person or another. Then throughout the week, I end up suddenly feeling angry, pissed, or just sad when I think about things I don't have any control over. This can not be healthy, especially if I'm going to be dealing with the stress of IVF soon. So I've decided to cut my family ties for awhile. We'll see how things go, but I have the feeling I will be much happier in the long run.

My consultation with the IVF Dr. Is on Monday, hopefully things will go well, and we'll come up with a successful game plan. Then we need to figure out how we're going to pay for things! One of our friends thought we should start a pay pal account, which is a great idea. However, out of good conscience, I would have to disclose we have a car collection of sorts, which may not bode well for the potential contributor. So I guess I will jut have to figure out another way to make things happen, without selling our cars or horses in the process.

Chopping block...

I feel like I've been stuck in a rut lately and feeling restless, so on Saturday I had over 4-1/2 inches of my hair chopped off. I'm now adjusting to it... So far I have learned that I don't need 1/2 as much shampoo/conditioner as I used to, that I can just barely put it into a ponytail, and I need to remember the hair stops a lot sooner otherwise the hair brush will fly across the room. I now need to work on loosing weight so my face doesn't look so round and I should be set.

In light of my restlessness, I've been looking into cruises, I'm thinking that might be a great way to force us to do something, as well as experience Italy and Greece from the sea. I'm thinking about Celebrity, but haven't decided yet. The only cruise I've ever gone on has been a Crystal Cruise to Alaska, which was completely POSH. We'll see if we end up going or not, so far we haven't done anything vacation wise and I'm itching to go SOMEWHERE! But I definitely want/need to loose some weight before I go!

I've also decided to plan on taking mini-vacations once a month to make sure we get out. I think it might be fun to go to different areas of Cali--probably mostly wine related areas. There is a winery down south, Casa de Caballos that I want to try, as they breed horses that are the same bloodline as my Benraz Arabian. I think getting out while we go through IVF is especially important to keep our mind off of things, so we don't go completely crazy! Although, it may have to be short trips since our insurance doesn't cover infertility.

It looks like we'll be barbecuing pork shoulder for the 4th, and getting the kitchen floor ready for the walnut EasyLock laminate flooring our landlord is letting us install. I'm so happy we will have nice kitchen floors soon! It will make eating my Healthy Choice Meals a bit brighter at least. (I'm boycotting Lean Cuisine and their horrible marketing with the sanitarium looking white packaging.) But for today, it's pork shoulder and homemade potato salad! MMM Have a Great 4th!

A posh tot...

I have to admit it, if we ever had a baby I'd probably spoil him/her rotten. When on a cruise one year, I learned POSH meant Port Outbound, Starboard Home which was what the wealthy requested in order to have the best views when traveling by ship from England. Ever since I've loved the idea of having a Posh Tot.

Needless to say, I love browsing through Posh Tots, which carries my favorite Carriage Bed... Of course it would need a huge room with a custom mural. What a dream for a little girl to wake up in a room like that! Not to mention having that kind of budget! They also have a light house bedroom set that is pretty cool.

There are so many cute baby things out right now. I love these Vintage Baby Shirts at International Wine Accessories. I even found a bunch of great twins stuff for my sister, (especially ones that said "Stop Copying Me") but they all seemed to have inflated prices. I guess I'll just have to make more things on my own, since a lot of it isn't that hard, it just takes a bit of time. Although BabyWit seemed a bit better price wise, and I love the "My Momma Drinks Because I Cry" one! Tim liked the one that said "Binky, Boobie, or Blankie...nobody rides for free".

The only things I'd probably really splurge on is I would love to have a round crib, and a MacLaren stroller. They are the BEST!!! But first I must work on having a baby to use them.

Twins

Well, my sister had her twins yesterday, (induced) they both turned out ok, good weights (almost 7 lbs) and lengths (19-20.5"). Although one arrived naturally and one c-section which seemed odd to me.

My mom spent all last month with my sister so she could be prepared to help her out. (Mom was the coach since the father is still in jail.) I guess she was timing my sister's contractions and said they're getting really close. She follows this with, "I'll be right back I'm going to get a magazine." Mom walked out of the room in mid-contraction before my sister could say anything.

When my Mom came back the room was empty. Twin #1 had already been delivered and my sister was under anesthesia so they could perform the c-section. (Which of course Mom couldn't be in there for that!) So even though she wasn't there for my sister's delivery, Mom was the first one to hold the twins as my sister was out for almost 3 hours!

I haven't seen any pictures yet, but they think they may be identical. (They have to run a test to be sure.) At least they're ok, and much to my sister's delight both were black.

Mom and my sister really want me to drop everything and come home and help them out for the summer, which completely boggles my mind. It's definitely not something I'm going to take them up on.