Rate Results

Well the results are in....

Of the 21 eggs retrieved, 20 fertilized.

Out of the 20, 6 had three chromosome packets in each, and were not viable.

So that leaves us with 13 currently viable embryos.

Now we have to wait to see how they divide.

1+2+3+4+5+6=

The number of eggs we retrieved this morning. My RE also drained my cyst, and said it had 1/3 of a cup of normal looking fluid. I feel much better, and a lot less bloated.

Plus, I was very happy to wake up. When I did the doctor was asking me something. I raised my hands to type him an answer on my laptop. Hmm.. maybe Tim's right and I do use my laptop a bit too much.

Anyway, now comes the wait for them to fertilize. Last time (Sept '06) we had 21 eggs too. At least my 39 year old body is still responding well. Although I'm hoping that this time they are all closer to the same size.

I don't have to start the progesterone IM shots until Tuesday, and I was quite relieved. I was surprised to learn that I need to be on a restricted liquid intake for the next 10 days, only 1 liter of Propel or Gatorade a day. I'm tyring Propel. I usually drink quite a bit more than 1 liter of liquid every day, so this should be interesting.

I'm happy that this major milestone is over, now it's back to taking things one day at a time...

Eating for Eighteen

Can you say that if you have 18 follicles? Just curious. Unfortunately, I'm so bloated I don't feel like eating much at all. Although something cool might be nice for the hot flashes.

Another Dr's apt today revealed that I won't be ready for the hCG shot until Friday. So I will have another day and 1/2 of shots, before I can reduce them to 2. Retrieval will happen over the weekend. Then the transfer will happen the following week. (if there's anything to transfer) It's funny, I'm not excited about any of this. I just feel numb. Maybe that's a good thing.

My Chicago blood work is back, and although the NK cells are lowered (by 1/2) they are still considered high. So I have to do the intralipid transfusion between now and the transfer.

Did I ever mention I hate needles and Dr's? I tend to avoid both like the plague, until now. Apparently a biological clock can really alter your mental state.

Sideways

Well, the meds seem to be working. Not only do I have a decent amount of follicles, I also have an equal amount of side effects.

So far I've experienced:

1. Light headiness
2. Bloating
3. Headaches
4. Diarrhea
5. Back pain
6. Dizziness
7. Bruising
8. Constipation
9. Swelling
10. Mood swings
11. Hot Flashes
12. Depression
13. Dry mouth
14. Fatigue
15. Malaise
16. Abdominal discomfort
17. Inability to sleep

My emotions and the amount of symptoms seemed to have increased since I last did a cycle. The malaise is a new one. I feel tons of gloom. I try and stay positive (especially at work) but in all actuality, I feel horrible.

Nevertheless, I press on. I had my blood drawn for the Chicag0 tests today. I rushed down to the clinic in the hopes to beat the FedEx truck. They were in a bit of a hurry, and tried to put the butterfly needle in my right arm but the vein rolled. (and rolled, and rolled...) Talk about nausea! She managed to stick it, but didn't realize she did until she took the needle out.

So I applied a cotton ball to my punctured vein while she scoped out the other arm. Luckily that vein cooperated and she managed to get a couple of vials from my left arm. These were wrapped and then placed in a container on its way to the windy city. If the levels are elevated I will do an intralipid infusion. I'm hoping that it's ok, as although I know I signed up for this cycle, I feel quite ill thinking about the amount of shots and infusions that are still ahead. Not to mention the cost.

On the bright side, Tim pointed out this AM if I do manage to get pregnant this time, I will have saved us money by having a high BMI. I like that thought better than the one where it cost us money. This means I need to do what it takes to make it happen the first time. Fingers crossed I'm successful.

Up the Bajing0

I just got a call about today's blood work. My estrid0l level was normal at 1,076.

However my prolactin is a bit high. (35 instead of <30). It could be because of stress, or it could be an actual reading. Not one to take chances, my RE prescribed Parl0del. I have to start taking 1/2 a pill every day. Sounded simple. Except when the nurse explained the meds would not be taken orally.

I'm really starting to hate life. Unfortunately, I have no-one to blame but myself.

A cow says...

Well, I had my BMI taken today, and it was much higher than I thought it would be. Even with my intake being under 1200 calories a day I managed to not loose any weight at all the past two weeks, and according to the scale at the Dr's office, I gained two pounds.

I am over the recommended BMI (I'm also 2" shorter than I was in high school) and have been ejected from the shared risk program. So we're completely out of pocket on this cycle. I am going to try and continue to loose the extra weight between now and my next cycle. (Since Tim is positive this first one won't work--and thus the reason for wanting the shared risk.)

I'm completely depressed. (I'm sure the hormones have something to do with it.) Our new goal is to do two complete cycles between now and my 40th birthday so we can do the shared risk on the second cycle.

Today's appointment showed that my cyst is growing, but other follicles are growing around it, so I have 8 visible follicles on one side, and 9 visible ones on the other. The largest ones are between 10 and 11 mm. Supposedly this is good for someone "my age". They are not ready to harvest as we need them at the 18 mm range, so I will continue taking the meds.

We are no longer required to do ICSI since we are no longer on the shared risk plan. So we have to re-think what we want to do. Monday I have to get my NK Assay follow up panel in which the blood work is sent to Chicago and they tell me if the Humira is suppressing my immunity, or if I will need to do the intralipid transfusion. A 2 hour infusion that contains fat, egg, and soy. (I wonder how many calories are in that!!!)

They've added L0ven0x (blood thinner) to my list, so it's seven shots a day. I'm so depressed and tired of taking shots. Thanks to the fact I can't seem to loose the extra weight. I feel that I have failed before I even started.

I don't know if I can do another cycle at this rate. I just feel numb. I really wanted my BMI to be in the range so I didn't have anything other than immunity working against us. But just couldn't seem to make it happen, even with a reduced calorie diet. My body just doesn't want to cooperate.

Unfortunately there's no turning back at this point. So right now it's looking like a retrieval at the end of this week and a transfer mid-next week. We'll find out if it worked just in time for Tim's 45th birthday. If it doesn't, we will transfer any remaining frozen embryos around the end of September. If the stars align, we might be able to start the second cycle by October 23.

So much for one day at a time.

Breakfast

Lately, I haven't had much of an appetite. I think it largely has to do with my new morning (and evening) ritual. [Tim took this picture of my evening dose with his iPh0ne.] This was on my 7-shot day.

The sad part is, even though I have no appetite, and am eating practically nothing other than a handful of medications and vitamins, I've managed not to loose any weight, instead I'm gaining.

I'm definitely bloated and running out of places to insert a needle. If I have do have much more, I'll probably have to start mapping out my upper thigh as the new frontier.

My RE's office called on Friday and wanted to bump up my appointment to Sunday, which is good. Hopefully I'm responding well, and we can reduce the number of shots I take. It will also mean I'm closer to the IM shots.

No wonder I'm not hungry.

Medieval

For better or worse I'm watching the Boleyn Sisters. I love the wonderfully vibrant cloaks and garments, the large stone castle walls, and the gorgeous misty green countryside. Perhaps this is why I chose to have a renaissance wedding, the romance, gorgeous gowns, and the music. I love the formality, and structure, the gentle roll of the language...

However, if I had lived in that time, I could have been tossed to the side (or worse) for the lack of an heir. Or I could be frantically drinking a concoction of rabbit's blood, mare's milk and sheep's urine to cure my barrenness. I suppose it's a blessing that I don't live in that period, and I live in one of shots instead.

Needling Doses

Today was the my first 6-shot day. I was to do 3 in the morning and 3 in the evening. It seemed simple enough, with the exception of the one of the meds wasn't due to arrive until 10:30 am. Luckily I requested a morning delivery, and they sent me a link to the FedEx tracking so I wasn't too concerned.

I halved one of my pills, took my synthroid, put another canister of pills in my purse for later, (giving Tim his canister too) and took my remaining meds out of the fridge. The first shot (Lupr0n) was relatively easy, alcohol pads, syringe, vial, inject 20 units, done.

Ok, maybe easy is not the word... it currently takes me about 24 steps...

1. Wash hands...
2. Get stuff out of the refrigerator
3. Wash hands again because the door handle could have had germs on it.
4. Lay down a napkin for my medications
5. Select a syringe
6. Remove the vial from it's container
7. Get the alcohol wipes and cotton ball ready
8. Retrieve the sharps container
9. Wash my hands again...
10. Disinfect the vial and my tummy with alcohol wipes
11. Prep the syringe by filling with 20 units of air.
12. Inject air into vial.
13. Draw up 20 units of fluid from the vial using insulin syringe
14. Let the liquid warm up slightly. (It HURTS when you forget this step.)
15. Put the vial and extra syringes away while waiting.
16. Wash my hands again...
17. Rub alcohol on my tummy again because my shirt has touched it.
18. Wait for the alcohol to dry...
19. Pick a spot on the cleaned area that doesn't already have a hole
20. Slowly inject the meds.
21. Remove the needle and swab any blood with a cotton square.
22. Put the needle in the sharps container.
23. Lay down on the couch until the nausea goes away.
24. Wash hands again for the next injection.

I started reading the instructions on the F0llistim (FSH) as it had been awhile. My new Dr's instructions said to take 3 FSH and 1 hMG AM & PM. Seems simple, except the pen had increments of 25. I have 7 boxes containing one 900 IU cartridge it obviously wasn't three cartridges. The math seemed wrong for three clicks. We figured the 3 must stand for 300 but I placed a call into the nurses just to be certain and head off to work since I have to come home when the Men0pur arrives anyway.

Thankfully my morning meeting was canceled, and FedEx informed me that the Men0pur arrived so I headed back home. Still no word from the nurses, but figure I'll call when I get home. I get home and open the box, and it has the vials, and the mixing cap, but no syringes or needles! Nothing! I call the pharmacy, and the prescription that was sent didn't include needles! They could send some out, but they won't arrive for a couple of days. While on the phone with them, I frantically searched my medicine stash for any extra needles left from my previous cycle that might work. I found plenty of IM needles and a few syringes, but no 1/2" ones.

I called the clinic and the receptionist asked if I was sure that I really wanted to speak with the nurses, because the nurses are all with patients at the moment. I explained how I am trying to take my morning meds (it's now after 10 am) and I didn't receive any needles for one of the medications and I don't know what dosage I need. Apparently that was the magic combination. "One moment please" and I got a nurse!

They tried to call the needles into my Target pharmacy, but the type of needle was too complex for them to carry. So they found a pharmacy by my work that carried them. (Unfortunately, I was at home.) I had another meeting in under an hour and needed to leave ASAP.

I asked for the dosage on the F0llistim and they said the 1 equals one vial, and one vial = 75 ml. So 3 FSH = 225 on the pen. Very confusing if you asked me, since the "vials" in that one are cartridges, and I have other "vials" that are more or less than 75. But I got my answer and I needed to get moving. The 1 for the hMG is 1 ML. Crazy really.

They called in my needle prescription and I took my F0llistim pen shot. Slapped a cotton square on my tummy and rushed out the door. No laying down this time.

I made it to my meeting, and then headed back to stop at the pharmacy to pick up my needles , popping my first "do not take with milk" pill of the day along the way. I then then had to swing by home to try and get my AM shot in before 1:00. The pharmacy doesn't have my needles ready because I'm not in their system. So I have to fill out their forms, and then pay $16 for the 8 syringes and subcue needles. (Which would have been free if I had gotten them with my original order!) I rush home, and mix the meds in the vial for my 1 hMG dose (which is really FSH and LH mixed together) once done, I make a quick tomato sandwich so I don't pass out, and then rush back to work with another hole and a new cotton square on my tummy.

On the way to work, I experienced a heat flash in my well conditioned car, and briefly thought I was going to pass out. I flooded the car with cool air, and prayed the air conditioning was still on in the office. (It was.)

Hopefully the 3 shots tonight will go a bit smoother... Somewhere in between I still have to take 2 metf0rmin pills, 1 pre-natal vitamin, 1 huge calcium "horse pill", one folate, the second "do not take with milk" pill, and my baby aspirin.

Sweet dreams...

Nerves and Nausea

The entire house smelled like garlic this AM. (we left our windows open and August is garlic harvesting season in our area) I'm not sure if this is the reason I felt nauseous or if it's just the meds in my system. It was all I could do to get my shot in this AM. I thought for sure I would throw up or pass out.

Even scarier I woke up wanting to quit the cycle and forget all about having a baby. This is very foreign thinking to me, and unnerving since tomorrow I will be upping my medications to six shots! (3 in the morning and 3 in the evening.) I'm hoping this "symptom" of fear and nausea will pass quickly. I don't know how I'll get through tomorrow's six!

I know, one day at a time... Fingers crossed this will get easier.

Cyst Cycle

Well, I discovered I have a cyst this am, but it's a follicular cyst (quite common and nothing to worry about) and it looked like it wasn't active. I was told if my estridi0l was low enough we could proceed anyway. I got the call this afternoon that my levels were at 23. Which is quite good as they were looking for something under 80.

So I have a green light to start my sub-cu shots tomorrow. I will have injections in the morning and at night. The Dr also recommended one additional drug, so I have one more delivery on the way. This will start on Tuesday. At that point I'll be taking 3 shots in the morning and 3 in the evening. As well as a handful of pills. I then go back in the week of the 24th to start the monitoring up until the retrieval.

Tim has spent the entire day complaining about his "contribution" to the process. As the Dr wanted to do a semen analysis to make sure that the count was still fine. (since it had been a few years since he had one) Apparently this clinic had turned the TV off, and the power button was up by the ceiling and well beyond his reach. The remote didn't work, (even though he tried to change batteries) and there weren't any magazines in the room. Luckily his iPh0ne had video, and he could connect to the open wireless at the clinic. This didn't stop him from reminding me ALL DAY how traumatic his time was.

The next time he has to "contribute" he also has jury duty. I don't know which he's looking forward to more.

Another Delivery

Well, more meds showed up today, for a start date of Sunday. (pending the approval from my Dr) A majority of them went on the counter, while the "requires refrigeration" ones fill an entire shelf.

It's amazing how much a Micro-dose schedule takes. It's quite a bit more than last time. (As these pictures don't include the meds I'm already taking! Calcium, F0late, Multi-Vitamins, Metf0rmin, Synthr0id, Baby Asprin...)

I had a slight panic attack earlier, as the arrival of the medications are another step closer to starting. These will all be gone in less than two weeks and then under the anesthesia I go. (It still scares me, IV's and anesthesia. Probably always will.)

I have to constantly remind myself to Breathe. Relax. Don't worry, and just take one day at a time...

It's on

I'm still processing peaches this week. This time I made my Auntie's famous Peachy Pie. MMM... the whole house smells delish! It "makes" it's own top crust and is amazingly good.

We also wrote our check for our next round of IVF tonight. Not being much of a gambler, my hand shook as I printed the amount, and managed to run out of room in the space provided. I'm used to better odds, and less initial output. When in Vegas I feel decadent playing the dollar slots!

I took a picture of the check too. Just for memory's sake. I'm nervous, and excited and all of the other feelings one has when embarking on a journey. I'm glad we're moving forward, and hope I can find closure with whatever outcome we get.

Tim expects to go through the process at least two times. I'm hoping for better odds. For now I'm just going to take things one day at a time, and thankfully, today's milestone is done. I've placed my bet.

I'm now going to focus on savouring a warm slice of my favorite peachy pie.

Backwards Baby

I'm still struggling with the expenses of this latest round, but am slowly moving forward one tiny step at a time. The funny thing is, since it started with birth control, this cycle seems backwards.

Last night (After making a yummy pecan/peach cobbler.) I started my first injection (Humira). After I got through the lengthy warnings that is. It was a bit daunting! [This medication is a Tumor Necrosis Factor (TNF) blocker. ] The goal is to suppress my immunity so my body won't reject an embryo.

I felt nauseous while injecting the thick liquid. It was all I could do to continue slowly depressing the plunger. Tim said I looked grey when I was through.

I was so happy I only had one more shot to go, and that it wasn't due for another two weeks.

Unfortunately, I found out today there are even more in my future. I will be taking this shot every other week up until we hear a heartbeat or the cycle fails.

I really hope this backwards baby plan works!