Back to the Dr

Well only half of the CMV test came back. The wrong half. (yet again!) So I had to head back into the Dr to have the test re-done for a third time, with assurances that they indeed will run the IgM this time. We'll see how it goes.

Since I need the results before I start the blood thinner, and I was to start it on Monday, I'm not sure if I'll be starting it or not. It's just as well, as I'm having my doubts on the cost of everything.

Because of our age, our Dr is making us do Intracyt0plasmic sperm injection [ICSI] (extra cost), assisted hatching or blast (extra cost) and we won't know until we're in our cycle if we need to do the intralipid infusion, so we're not sure how much that cost will end up being. Unfortunately, I didn't find out about all of the extra procedures and costs until last week, and I'm worried that there may be more hidden fees lurking. (Especially since none of the meds are covered.) If I don't want to do the ICSI, then we have to go to the non-refund plan, which if we don't get pregnant will cost us even more money! (If we do, then it's less, but Tim thinks it will take at least two tries.) The way it's going, we could buy a 2009 min-cooper instead!

The really scary part is, there are a lot of clinics that won't even take me because of my advanced age of 39. So I'm stuck, spend tons of cash on a huge gamble, or resign myself to being barren.

Sigh

I just spent the morning reading the most romantic "how we met" stories at The Pi0neer Woman. Tim was sleeping, in and I quietly refreshed my espresso as I read her wonderfully written posts, and looked at her amazing pictures of her farm and family.

Part of me misses growing up on the farm, and is drawn to the romance of a ranch. The dewy grass, the feel of a calf's tongue cautiously eating grain out of your hand. The smell of freshly mown alfalfa. The large open fields where you can see a storm rolling in long before it reaches you. I loved being able to jump on my horse and take off down the lane and into the woods to spend the day exploring.

I hope someday my children will be able to experience life on the farm. The city has it's place too, and I like where I live, however sometimes I wish for a more relaxed, friendlier place full of big skies and even bigger possibilities.

Are you pulling my leg?

Since I haven't posted a photo in awhile, I thought I'd take one of my latest purchase.

This weekend I bought a couple of pairs of clunky high-heels, and was wearing this pair today for fun. They put me at about 6'2" and eye level with the guys at work. Even my cat's love them! I figure I might as well enjoy them while I can, as I probably won't be wearing a lot of heels during or after pregnancy.

Today I went to my primary Dr's office to pick up my BCPs. The pick up line was long and full of sick people, so I walked across the hall and had my blood drawn while waiting for them to fill my prescription.

Ironically, it must have been take your kid for blood draw day. --If you don't want to read about kids, skip down past the blue.--

It's a large hospital, where they have blood draws streamlined. You enter the blood draw area, there are a bunch of seats in a row, and you sit in whatever becomes available. (Kind of like watching dairy cattle on a milk farm go to a stanchion.)

I was surrounded by kids. There was a petite Indian mother in front of me who seemed lost and kept her son close at hand, a chatty dad behind me was telling his son how they were just going to prick his finger, and it would be pretty cool. Behind him, there was a new mother rocking a stroller. There were another 7 or so kids in the waiting room.

Three people left their stanchions at about the same time, so we all sat down in an empty stanchion with our numbers, and waited. The nurses attend the children first. The boy in front did quite well, and it sounded like he only had a finger prick. The boy behind me got the shock of his life, as he was having blood drawn! There was no doubt when they inserted the needle, he let out a wail and started crying! It was so sad, the dad was saying 'Look, look, isn't it cool? That's YOUR blood going into that jar!'.

'Surprisingly' this was NOT cool to the little guy having the work done. The boy wailed louder, and started making the baby fussy and the other boy nervous.

Out rushed a matronly representative of the hospital with a special key. At the end of the row was a tall locked cabinet that was filled with STUFFED ANIMALS! The entire row got to pick one! (For some reason hey skipped me! -- I blame the heels.) The Indian boy wanted an elephant (and they had one) the boy behind me got a bear, and sobbed a thanks. I didn't see what the baby got. The lady locked up the rest of the animals in the cabinet and left as quickly as she appeared, saying how pleased she was they actually had an elephant. It was pretty cute, and much better than doling out lollipops.

When I finally made it back to the pharmacy the line was cleared up, and I only had to wait a few moments for a cashier. The interaction reminded me of all of my other IVF related prescriptions. It seems anything related to fertility is $$$$$. Tim jokes that if you can't pay $10k for a baby, you don't really want one. Even the Pill has gotten expensive!

The person at the counter processing the paperwork rang me up and said WOW! I've never seen these before, they're expensive! They must NOT be generic. (they were) He rang up the $76 for three packets, still chatting about how expensive they are, and wondering why they would cost so much. (I think I'll only need two packages, but oh well.) He finishes up the transaction, and happily points me to the next line (which was blessedly empty) with the instructions to wait there for the pharmacist consult.

The pharmacist that came out did a double take. She seemed surprised that someone my age/height needed a consult on the Pill. (she couldn't see that I had cute heals on) She skeptically asked, 'so you've never taken these before?'. Of course I haven't, but she still rephrased it a few times, as if I wasn't getting it. I don't know if she thought I was too old to be starting on the pill now, too tall, or what, but it was pretty funny. Fortunately, she mellowed out, and was quite nice in the end.

It seems odd that I'm going on the pill to get pregnant. I re-read the instructions sent by my clinic a few times just to make sure. But according to my Dr, that's the course of action, and so I'm now on the pill for the next 21 days.

Ready or Not...

My cycle started early this month, and I thought I wouldn't start this cycle as I don't have all my tests done. I followed up today to learn I have enough of the tests ready to start the process. So tomorrow I start taking the BCP's and am on my way for IVF #2.

I took my prescription in to start the BCPs and must have grabbed the wrong one, as they wouldn't take it! (It was dated 2007.) So I go back tomorrow with a fresh prescription, and get a bit of blood drawn for the missing test, and I'm on my way.

I am fluctuating between nervous to the point of nausea to excitement. It's probably the hormones, at least I hope so...

Baby Blend

I was once listed on one of the "trying for a baby" sites when I was going through treatments. The funny thing is, I got bumped off. I'm not sure how or what I wrote, but one day I was on, and the next, I was off.

Now granted my blog title probably offends people when they find out that I'm trying to have a baby, but it doesn't mean I'd drink wine while pregnant, (or coffee, or caffeinated beverages, or eat sushi, etc.) only that I enjoy wine.

It's like buying the baby shirt that says "Mom drinks because I cry." That may not be the case, but I love that shirt, and would likely buy it if I had an opportunity to do so.

I noticed a lot of bloggers that want babies have catchy infertility driven titles about being barren, busted, or baby desires, and it got me to thinking about why...

The thing is, although at times, I am completely consumed by all things baby, I do try to balance things with life, and try not to forget to enjoy the day. I love the cute blog names, and interesting comments, and many go on to have a baby so it obviously works for some.

As for me, I'll keep my title, say a little toast to all that are trying, and work on my own "blend" of baby blog.

~ Sounds More Like Macro ~

It looks like I'll be on a micro-dose lupr0n plan for my cycle with the Dr that doesn't discriminate against 39 year-olds. The amount of medications is far greater than I have experienced before. A rough outline of my schedule is below:

1. Later this month, I'll be starting Birth Control Pills (BCP) to suppress my pituitary glands.
2. During the BCP stage I'll be doing any immunology treatments that are required. At some point I will also be doing the blood thinner injections.
3. I then start micro-doses of Lupr0n (2-times a day) about 3 days after I stop the BCP. This causes the pituitary gland to release its stored FSH.
4. Approximately 5 days after I stop the BCP I will add FSH injections (also 2-times a day) and an inflammation suppressant and asprin in the morning to really throw my ovaries into overdrive. (These additional injections will last approximately 6 days.)
5. Once the eggs are mature, it's time for the IM hCG injection.
6. The retrieval will take place about 36 hours later.
7. I then start an IM pr0jesterone shot for 12 weeks.

I will probably start up my acupuncture sessions as well. Although will all of the shots taking place twice daily, I'm not sure if she'll be able to find any areas left to poke.