A cow says...

Well, I had my BMI taken today, and it was much higher than I thought it would be. Even with my intake being under 1200 calories a day I managed to not loose any weight at all the past two weeks, and according to the scale at the Dr's office, I gained two pounds.

I am over the recommended BMI (I'm also 2" shorter than I was in high school) and have been ejected from the shared risk program. So we're completely out of pocket on this cycle. I am going to try and continue to loose the extra weight between now and my next cycle. (Since Tim is positive this first one won't work--and thus the reason for wanting the shared risk.)

I'm completely depressed. (I'm sure the hormones have something to do with it.) Our new goal is to do two complete cycles between now and my 40th birthday so we can do the shared risk on the second cycle.

Today's appointment showed that my cyst is growing, but other follicles are growing around it, so I have 8 visible follicles on one side, and 9 visible ones on the other. The largest ones are between 10 and 11 mm. Supposedly this is good for someone "my age". They are not ready to harvest as we need them at the 18 mm range, so I will continue taking the meds.

We are no longer required to do ICSI since we are no longer on the shared risk plan. So we have to re-think what we want to do. Monday I have to get my NK Assay follow up panel in which the blood work is sent to Chicago and they tell me if the Humira is suppressing my immunity, or if I will need to do the intralipid transfusion. A 2 hour infusion that contains fat, egg, and soy. (I wonder how many calories are in that!!!)

They've added L0ven0x (blood thinner) to my list, so it's seven shots a day. I'm so depressed and tired of taking shots. Thanks to the fact I can't seem to loose the extra weight. I feel that I have failed before I even started.

I don't know if I can do another cycle at this rate. I just feel numb. I really wanted my BMI to be in the range so I didn't have anything other than immunity working against us. But just couldn't seem to make it happen, even with a reduced calorie diet. My body just doesn't want to cooperate.

Unfortunately there's no turning back at this point. So right now it's looking like a retrieval at the end of this week and a transfer mid-next week. We'll find out if it worked just in time for Tim's 45th birthday. If it doesn't, we will transfer any remaining frozen embryos around the end of September. If the stars align, we might be able to start the second cycle by October 23.

So much for one day at a time.