Mother-less Minority

I found the blog Silent Sorority awhile back, and check in every once and awhile.  Recently she had an article on the abundance of Mommy media.  There are tons of Mommy bloggers, Mommy ads, Mommy marketing, etc. everywhere you look. There are even groups for Mom Photographers (which I don't join even though they "say" non mom's are allowed, it just seems wrong).

I know that it is sometimes often usually painful for people who can't have children (by choice or otherwise) to try to have a normal conversation with our peers. Society is completely focused on motherhood.  Some of the first questions one is asked is "Do you have children?" and discussions usually focus around kid's activities, play groups, the best stroller, sporting events.... If you mention infertility the subject gets changed, or people wander away since you don't have anything value-ad to their quest to become an "Über-Mom".  

For better or worse, it is the norm.  Childless people are the minority.  It might be nice to isolate ourselves from the ads and triggers that might make us unhappy, but I wonder if that's healthy.  It would be like having all food (and beverage) ads taken out of the media, because some people have a terrible weight problem and need to stay away from the triggers that make them crave unhealthy food.  It's great to be in the bubble for awhile, but then you become even more overwhelmed when you enter the "real" world again.

Nature's plan on the most basic level is about re-producing, life and death, birds and bees.  The lucky ones have children to carry on their lineage.  Their struggles to raise their offspring is their primary directive, it is what they live and breathe.  

The rest of us who are childless are left to make a decision of what to do with our own lives. Some it's a conscious decision, and there is little (if any) "what if".  For others it is the cards we've been dealt, and we instead turn to focus on a career, travel, health, marriage/partner, etc...  

What still bothers me are the people who think if you try hard enough you will have children.  It's not always that easy.  Perhaps if I had unlimited funds and energy... I could maybe have hired a surrogate.  But what would happen if things went wrong with the surrogate? Would I be okay with them having to have a hysterectomy because they carried a child for me?  Would they?  There's no guarantee it would even work with a surrogate.  Perhaps if we had looked into adoption before we were too old.  What if... What if...What if...  

The thing is, I am trying my best to learn to live in the "real world".  Filled with Mom talk and Mom marketing,  later in life I will have to live in a world of "Grandmother" talk.  This will not go away, I instead am the one who needs to accept my lot in life.  

Is it easy? No.  Will it ever be?  I can only hope.