A New Year

Well, I'll try and update this blog for awhile longer.  It seems a shame to get rid of it completely.


I looked back over the past few January posts and realized how far I've come:

1. Jan 2006 ~  (IUI) I got a BFN at the beginning of the year after a round of IUI's. I continued drinking Chinese herbs and going to acupuncture in the hopes of success, until we moved on to IVF treatments later in the year. 
2. Jan 2007 ~ (IVF, Acupuncture) After multiple BFN's in '06, I'm moving on to another round of IVF treatments, and enrolled in a Mind Body class as well. (I spent the year doing visualizations, healing touch sessions, etc.) I was also researching kitties... I became a Godmother shortly after my failed IVF cycle, at the end of the year we moved on to testing my immune system to see if it was the cause. 
3. Jan 2008 ~ (Acupuncture) Still doing acupuncture this time to suppress my immunity, we started seriously looking for a house, and moved in to one in the spring.  I took the year off of IVF to let my body recover, and to save up for the next round.
4. Jan 2009 ~ (IVF) Test results from a new IVF Dr caused us to feel hopeful that the IVF would work this time.  We went through another round later that year.  I also looked into the feasibility of gestational surrogates... but was discouraged by the cost and worried about the emotional aspects of it.
5. Jan 2010 ~ (Moving on) Disappointed that our results were a BFN at the end of the year, I am still not OK with not having kids. I spent the year loosing the weight I gained while going through fertility treatments, looking into and ruling out adoption, and trying to move on.
6. Jan 2011 ~ So where am I at this year? After 5 plus years of failures, I'm still coming to terms with the fact we likely will never have children.  It's a day to day process, and hopefully it will get better over time.  

We went to China (Tim had to work) in December, and that was a huge help in the healing process.  I missed traveling, and it was amazing to get away from the house and not have to think about the holiday traditions I once thought I would pass along to my children.  I hope we can travel more in 2011 and focus on the fun aspects of life.

Christmas was spent with our kitties, since we just got back from China, we didn't have a tree again this year.  We do miss seeing kids open their presents, and hearing their delighted squeals when they get something they like.  We have nieces and nephews, but are usually not able to be around when they open their gifts due to the distance between us.

I love picking out gifts for my nieces and nephews, and wish I could not only see them open their gifts, but also help play with some of the toys.  I know Tim feels this way too, as it's so much fun!!!  

I got my niece the Lanie American Girl Doll for her birthday this Jan.  I just hope she liked it!  I got her a tea set last year, and thought it would be so much fun! (I hope it was.) Anyway, I thought the Lanie doll was just adorable, and got her a couple of outfits too.  :-) 

Lanie 2010 Girl of the Year

I have the feeling kids these days get so many toys that they're on overload anyway, and it's quite possible that they don't even know who they come from at some point.  I know if we had kids we'd need a bigger house, or at least more storage space.  Luckily my nieces and nephews have basements, so storage isn't a problem for them. :-) At last not the last time I checked.