Adoption Option

When I say we can't have kids, adoption is often the first thing people bring up. To them it's the logical solution, and they often seem surprised that people would even consider not adopting if you can't have your own child. It's not always that easy, or "logical" to adopt.

Here's some info that many people don't realize... (Some of this is very important if you find out you can't have a biological child, and decide you want to adopt a newborn as time isn't always on your side...)

1. Age Requirements & Travel ~ Most International adoptions require the adoptive parent to be between 25 and 45 years of age. (with older parents only being able to adopt older children.) They often also require you to stay in the country prior to adopting. Here are just a few highlights:
   -- Korea ~ Both parents must be 25 to 44 years old at placement. (Children can be escorted to the US, or the parent can travel to pick them up.)
   -- China ~ Married couples must be at least 30 years of age. Prospective adopters must be open to a toddler if over 45. (You must travel to the country to adopt, and the average stay is 10-14 days.)
   -- Russia ~ Has no requirements for age or length of marriage to adopt, however most children are over a year old at the time of the adoption. (Many families are now making three trips prior to the adoption. Most regions require both parents to see the child before the referral is accepted, and to appear in court during the second trip. One parent can make the third trip.)
   -- Ukraine ~ Parents must be at least 21 years old and the maximum age difference between the adopting parents and the prospective adopted child is 45. No children under 1 are available. (Usually two trips are required ~3-4 weeks total. Only one parent required for second trip.)
   -- Kazakhstan ~ Has no age requirements however a 30 to 45 day stay in country is required.
   -- Ethiopia ~ Currently limits the age of the parent to no more than 40 years greater than that of the adopted child. (One or both adopting parents may choose to travel or they may have their child escorted.)
   -- Taiwan ~ Prospective adoptive parents must be at least 20 years older than the child, and not older than 55. Following the adoption, parents are required to complete post-adoption reports for five years. (Both parents must travel, and the length of stay is approximately 1 week.)
   -- Hong Kong ~ Parents must be between the ages of 25 and 45, and prefers that the prospective parents are ethnic Chinese. (One parent must travel to Hong Kong ~approx 1 week.)
   -- Bulgaria ~ Prospective adoptive parents must be ages 30 to 55, however children younger than 2 are not usually available. (Two trips are required: the first is up to 7 days, the second trip, which occurs 3 to 4 months later, is up to 10 days.)
   -- Poland ~ Parents up to 40 years older than the child may adopt, the average child's age is 22 months to 8 years. (If married, both parents must make two trips to the country. The first trip is approximately one week, and the second trip is approximately three-weeks.)
   -- United States ~ The US currently had "no age" requirements for the adoptive parents, however the agency and/or birth parent may favor others if you appear too old or too young. (Foster Care has no age requirements.)
2. Cost ~ The cost of an international adoption runs between $25 to $45 thousand dollars. (The average cost for a US adoption is around $25 thousand.)
3. Evaluation ~ Adoptive parents are evaluated and placement often depends on if they are married (and how long), if there was a divorce (and how many), if their BMI is not over the limit, if there are other children living in the adoptive household, etc.
4. Not a Newborn ~ Currently 48% of international adoptions are of children from 1 - 4 years of age.
5. Second Thoughts ~ Almost all US (domestic) adoptions are newborns, however as many as 50% of birth parents who initially consider adoption decide not to place the baby after giving birth.
6. Waiting List ~ It takes an average of two years to adopt a child (either internationally or from within the US)
7. Keep in Touch ~ In a domestic (US) adoption, adoptive parents are often selected by the birth parents of the child. In at least half of the cases, the birth parents and adoptive parents have met. Ongoing contact with the birth mother and the adoptive parents (in some form) is becoming more and more common.

There are always exceptions to the rules, older children, and those with special needs can often be adopted by older parents. Each country has their own requirements and rules in order to help make the process go as smoothly as possible.

I think it would be great to travel to the country you are adopting from and see the areas where the children were from. But I couldn't spend a month over there, or do multiple trips! Because we are 40 and 45, if we were to adopt a newborn, our only options would be domestic adoption, foster care, or Thailand. (At which time we'd likely be 42 and 47!) If we were to adopt an older child, or one with special needs, (or could make multiple trips, and extended stays) our options would increase slightly.

If you're interested in learning more about the process from someone who's experienced it, I highly recommend the following books:

• Infertility leading to Adoption: An Empty Lap: One Couple's Journey to Parenthood ~ by Jill Smolowe (I LOVED THIS BOOK!)
• Infertility leading to a Baby: Waiting for Daisy: A Tale of Two Continents, Three Religions, Five Infertility Doctors, an Oscar, an Atomic Bomb, a Romantic Night, and One Woman's Quest to Become a Mother ~ by Peggy Orenstein.
• A wonderful Children's Book: Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born ~ by Jamie Lee Curtis

The adoption information provided above was obtained from The Adoption Guide .