They're All We Have

The Easter Bunny brought our cat 'grass' this year. (Actually they are oat grains, but it's called grass for whatever reason.)

The sprouts are up and the cats love them. (The one that gets to go outside with us eats his stash outside, while the indoor kitty snacks on hers inside.)

She chirps dainty meows when we bring it in, she gets so excited! It's quite cute, and brings me joy.

It's really starting to look like the cats will indeed be "all we have". I am not doing ok with this realization. I love my kitties, but I can't teach them how to cook my Gramie's famous cookies. I can't read them bedtime stories and have them finish the sentence. I can't see them off on their first day of kindergarten. I won't watch them graduate... I won't see a little Tim and/or Susie running around in our back yard, enjoying our pool with their friends. There are a lot of wont's.

Someone recently said, well at least you won't have to pay for the expense of kids. Unfortunately, we have spent quite a bit on kids. The fertility cycles weren't cheap. (I could have sent a couple of kids to college for 4 years for what we paid to date.) I'm glad we tried, but am just sad that it didn't work, despite our efforts, and I'm still dealing with the emotional aspects of the entire thing.

Our cats are the only "family" we have. As much as I love them, it doesn't fill the gaping hole I feel every time I see a child and realize I will never experience true motherhood. The feelings seem even more pronounced around the holidays (especially Mother's Day). Hopefully I'll be able to overcome the lack of children and find something that fills the hole in my heart.