Passioniate

May is here and our roses are flourishing! This one could be a gingersnap or a desert spice or mambo or ... whatever it is, it's gorgeous right now, and shows promise of many more flowers! Supposedly orange roses mean passion. I think this one definitely fits the bill, it's absolutely vibrant!

This month is our 10th wedding anniversary. I thought we'd have kids by now, but can't seem to move into the scheduling stage. I still haven't decided when our next cycle will be. Maybe I just don't want it badly enough since I can't seem to take the next step and move on to infusions.

I have tons of excuses why...

• Infusions are scary. (But so were injections, and retrievals and they ended up being ok)


• Work is far from stable and has a dark cloud over it.


• I'm expecting visitors in the next few months and don't want to be going through transfers and injections while they're visiting us.


• I want to loose some weight before trying, but am managing to be gaining instead.


• Expenses are tight and although wages etc, are decreasing IVF hasn't.


• I'm always tired, even with extra B-12 vitamins.

But the desire for children is still there, burning under the surface. I get emotional when I think about life without children, and keep thinking I still have time... I need to get in a right frame of mind before starting a cycle. I just not sure how to make it happen before it's too late!