Stubborn & Jaded
Tim says I'm stubborn. (He's probably right.) He also says this is what is preventing us from having a child. (Also probably right.) The entire infertility process has drawn on for years in part from my abnormal fear of going under using anesthesia. Even now I truly hope that the medicines that I am taking will work without having me go through another IVF cycle. I have tried almost every test, and non-IVF treatment available to no avail.
I'm pushing forward with the last of my tests. The genetic counseling went ok, they didn't find anything out of the ordinary. The councilor said that my recent test result was very common and nothing serious to worry about which was good. The h0m0cystine levels will tell if I need to take extra vitamins or not.
I will do the rest of my blood tests next week. Once my tests are in, I will then need to make a decision based on what the RE says. I need to decide once and for all what I want to do. If I decide to go through IVF, I will also decide how many cycles I will go through and at what point I will stop trying. If I decide not to go through with IVF we will move on as one of the people who can't have children. Even if I decide to go through IVF I need to be ok with the fact that we may still be one of the people who don't have children, it just may take a little longer and a few thousand dollars more to reach that point.
I am stubborn, I want things to be easy. I want to know what is wrong. I want to have children without going through multiple IVF cycles. (It's not that the one I went through was horrible, it was emotionally draining, expensive, and unsuccessful, but not horrible. In fact everything looked fine and according to the Dr. it should have worked. We were left no closer to explaining our unexplained infertility.) The irony is, four years of various tests and treatments still have not explained why things aren't working.
The dictionary describes jade as:
I'm pushing forward with the last of my tests. The genetic counseling went ok, they didn't find anything out of the ordinary. The councilor said that my recent test result was very common and nothing serious to worry about which was good. The h0m0cystine levels will tell if I need to take extra vitamins or not.
I will do the rest of my blood tests next week. Once my tests are in, I will then need to make a decision based on what the RE says. I need to decide once and for all what I want to do. If I decide to go through IVF, I will also decide how many cycles I will go through and at what point I will stop trying. If I decide not to go through with IVF we will move on as one of the people who can't have children. Even if I decide to go through IVF I need to be ok with the fact that we may still be one of the people who don't have children, it just may take a little longer and a few thousand dollars more to reach that point.
I am stubborn, I want things to be easy. I want to know what is wrong. I want to have children without going through multiple IVF cycles. (It's not that the one I went through was horrible, it was emotionally draining, expensive, and unsuccessful, but not horrible. In fact everything looked fine and according to the Dr. it should have worked. We were left no closer to explaining our unexplained infertility.) The irony is, four years of various tests and treatments still have not explained why things aren't working.
The dictionary describes jade as:
- a : to wear out by overwork or abuse
- b : to tire or dull through repetition or excess
posted by Susan at 2:05 PM
1 Comments:
It can be very frustrating when there's no reason. I'm sorry you're having to go through all this. Hopefully there's good news on the horizon.
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