Babies Everywhere
I have a 1 year olds birthday party to go to today. It's at a dim sum restaurant, and I'm sad to say I am dreading it. I went to a baby shower last weekend and had a lot of fun, so I've been trying to figure out what it is...
I realized that on the list of people who are invited to the birthday party, I am the only one who doesn't have a young child. (the baby shower was a mixed group) For the birthday party I am the only one who didn't need to request a booster or high chair and I am the only one who really doesn't want to talk about babies the entire time.
Since it's dim sum, I am a captive audience to whatever they want to talk about, and with this group it's all about being a mother. Unlike other parties, where you can wander around and find a conversation somewhere that isn't entirely baby centric, I am stuck at a table. To make matters worse, Tim has an all day business meeting and cannot come. I am really bummed he can't go with, so at least I'd have someone to talk to about something other than how cute little so and so is, and where the greatest mommy and me play groups are.
Selfishly, I wanted to decline the invite, but unfortunately the invitee wouldn't understand. (she knows that we're going through infertility treatments) I've declined other mommy centric events that she's invited me to, and she would be very upset if I miss their first born child's birthday.
The sad part is, I am still not comfortable talking about the fact we don't have kids--I'm really not sure if I ever will be. Writing is one thing, trying not to break down in public is another. No one seems to understand. If they find out we aren't having any luck and are going through fertility treatments, we get asked why don't we get on the adoption bandwagon like all of the celebrities are. Some just say they're sorry, but I don't do well with pity either.
So off I go to purchase a gift and hit the birthday party. My only solace is, I can order a beer without guilt, and worse case I can always leave if it gets to be too much.
I realized that on the list of people who are invited to the birthday party, I am the only one who doesn't have a young child. (the baby shower was a mixed group) For the birthday party I am the only one who didn't need to request a booster or high chair and I am the only one who really doesn't want to talk about babies the entire time.
Since it's dim sum, I am a captive audience to whatever they want to talk about, and with this group it's all about being a mother. Unlike other parties, where you can wander around and find a conversation somewhere that isn't entirely baby centric, I am stuck at a table. To make matters worse, Tim has an all day business meeting and cannot come. I am really bummed he can't go with, so at least I'd have someone to talk to about something other than how cute little so and so is, and where the greatest mommy and me play groups are.
Selfishly, I wanted to decline the invite, but unfortunately the invitee wouldn't understand. (she knows that we're going through infertility treatments) I've declined other mommy centric events that she's invited me to, and she would be very upset if I miss their first born child's birthday.
The sad part is, I am still not comfortable talking about the fact we don't have kids--I'm really not sure if I ever will be. Writing is one thing, trying not to break down in public is another. No one seems to understand. If they find out we aren't having any luck and are going through fertility treatments, we get asked why don't we get on the adoption bandwagon like all of the celebrities are. Some just say they're sorry, but I don't do well with pity either.
So off I go to purchase a gift and hit the birthday party. My only solace is, I can order a beer without guilt, and worse case I can always leave if it gets to be too much.
posted by Susan at 10:37 AM
1 Comments:
I believe self preservation is more important than going to child's bday party. I know it's hard because people don't understand but the reality is that they can't and don't have to. All friends have to do is be sensitive, supportive, and understanding.
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